Well, silly me. Apparently, I have been going about this dating thing completely wrong.
I admit that when it comes to finding guys to date, I resort to the online sites. You know. Match.Com. Yahoo Personals, even EHarmony. And I have been pretty picky about what I am looking for in a man. I have refused to even have dinner with anyone who didn't look to have longterm (ie...marriage) potential.
And where has that gotten me? Well it turns out that the last man I went on a date with WAS marriage material. Because he was already MARRIED! And that has only been the first date since the Archeologist dumped me & only the THIRD guy to date since "The One" broke my heart. Well over a year ago. Since starting to read this book, I have gone & deleted the only "active" profile I had (so don't even bother looking!). I decided that I needed to reevaluate this whole dating thing. And once I finished the book, I would create a new one, based off of my new outlook to dating.
Is it painfully obvious that I needed to read this book? *grin*
In his book, How to Get A Date Worth Keeping, Dr Cloud breaks it down for the reader in very easy steps. But first thing is first. He states, rather bluntly, that the end result of dating IS NOT marriage. Yes, you read that correctly, it is not marriage. Rather, dating should be a way to meet new people, engage in conversation, new experiences with new people. Hm, crazy man, I am 32 my clock is ticking (!!) I can't waste time on the losers!. (well, that was my thought when I first read it) But the more I got to thinking about it....
What scares a man most in this world?? Besides a positive pregnancy test?? You got it, a woman who is planning the wedding after the first date. Let's review my dating history....hmm...
too far too fast?? Were they successful relationships? Obviously not.
Ok. So maybe Dr. Cloud is on to something.
The next thing Dr Cloud suggests is keeping a "man chart". You need to keep track of all of the new men you meet in your life. The goal is to meet five, potentially datable men a week. That does not mean that you HAVE to date them. That just means that the potential must be there. They must know your name & have someway to see you or ask you out again if they so choose to do so.
But. But. But.
I never meet new men. I can hear it now. Well. Start the log & find out how many "new" men you meet in the course of the week. And if you truly find yourself not meeting anyone, well, then you need to get out more. :P
In the line at the movies. At a work function. Walking the dog. At the grocery store. At a book signing. At a museum. Strike up a conversation with a complete stranger & you will be suprised at your results.
Oh yeah. And you CAN NOT say no to any requests for a date.
The next thing Dr Cloud suggests is putting together a "team" of people who are close to you to hold you accountable. People who know your past dating history & the type of men you usually fall for. People who care enough about you to call you on your actions when you start making your "Mr Poppins" list. (the list of qualities your PERFECT mate would have).
And that is how far I have gotten in the book. =)
This week has been pretty hectic for me. I have moved & pretty much dedicated all my energy to setting up house.
But Monday is a new week. Monday I will start my log. Monday I will implement Dr Clouds suggestions.
I will track the "new men" in the comment section of this post. And I will let you know how things go. That is my commitment to you.
Anyone willing to make the same commitment?